These Days

There are days that can be cloudy, rainy and stormy; days when a freaking blizzard could fall and I'd still feel warm and fuzzy inside. Days when I'm so blissful and energetic, I feel so witty and smart and confident; when I am really aware of how strong and lucky I am.
And there are those days when not even the clear blue sky, the golden bright sun and the warm colours of the fall can take the cold away from my heart; when no matter how many layers of clothing I'm wearing I still feel the chills and shivers at the end of my spine. Days when I feel so worthless and purposeless, when I feel like a misfit that can't really find a place to belong.

There are days when the simple thought of my friends and family makes me smile; it reminds me of how blessed I am they came into my life, how I could never have chosen better.
Then there are those days when it seems that no one really understands how I feel; when they seem so swamped in they're own problems that don't care about mine (and vice versa); days when no one really says what I need to hear. It's when I miss the most those that, somehow, I ended up leaving behind.

There are days when I see the world through the eyes of a happy child, so colourful and alive, huge and unexplored.
Yet, there are those days when I'm chocked by the indifference that surrounds me; when the world seems so small, not in size, but in heart.

There are days when I feel so gifted and capable of such amazing things. When I'm awed by my own ability to express myself with drawings, beside words. When how much I improved in the last years makes me proud.
Still, there are those days when my hands are so shaky I can't draw the angst or the anger I feel. Days when the words just won't come out.

Those days when the weight of all my past "traumas" and issues, of all my kinks and quirks fall on my shoulders. Days when all ancient wounds open and bleed; when all my fears come to haunt me at night. Days when everything seems to fall apart and crumble, when I can't find my strength or something to hold on to.