Into Fiction

I do complain often how I emerge myself in books and series and animes. And people do call my attention to that.
I do distract myself a lot, my thoughts wandering into remembrances of movies I watched and books I read; I do spend most of my day daydreaming; I do have lots of fantasies living in my head.

And I know why. I know I do not have a dysfunctional family, there are worst. But I did have a fatherless childhood. I hardly remember any moment with my dad before the divorce. After all, I was only 4 then. My sister, though, she was already 9 and she felt it much harder. I can understand that. What I can't understand is how 15 damn years later she's still an unbearable pain in the ass, and getting worst. The tension in my house between her and my mom is tangible, you can almost split it with a knife. Dinners are either silent or end in a fight. I'm often edgy at home, and my mom even worst. And no matter how much it hurts me, I am aware that the one this is more painful to is my mom and she's been through so much, she doesn't deserve a daughter like my sister. So I try to compensate for her (and I fail so many times!) and I try to support her and to be as good a daughter I can be. But I get tired too and moody. Sometimes I snap too. Even still, when I do have a great day or even a not-so-bad day, I try to spread and share that happiness. And again I fail, mostly because my sister is completely immune to other people's feelings. I am, in the end, the joy of the household. Or I try to be, at least for my mother, because she deserves it more that anyone.

And that is why I bury myself in fiction. I have to get out, to blow off steam, to hang on to something and since a very young age, books and tv series have been my escape. From the Disney comic books to the Sandman Library, from Tom & Jerry to CSI, from Harry Potter to Neil Gaiman, the purpose is the same. To escape to somewhere else.
And now I need it more than ever. College is hard and not everything goes as easy as Genetics; I'm having a best friend crisis; my father's farther than ever; and home feels less like it everyday. (Not everything's wrong, though, I still have very good friends who really are there for me and that can be reasonable when I can't and I'm really making new friends at school and feeling really motivated =) )

But I'm used not to have someone by me. I'm used to face things alone or to escape to fiction. And it works. And I'm not complaining anymore about it, because there are times that not even your friends can help you with the twists and turns of life. (wow! great finishing sentence,huh? XD) And I'm not saying that fiction can, but it turns it bearable.


ps: I openned my heart and soul here, I rarely talk about this stuff so if you're just going to flame or blame me for this (yes, this time I might just be talking to you) just don't. I won't publish anyway. Thank you.