numb

I don't know what happened.
I don't know what triggered it.
I don't know why I feel so angry, so desperate.
I don't know why I can't fight it.

All I know is I seem to alienate every person in the world who cares. And I can't even stop myself from doing it.
I don't think I ever hated myself as much as I hate myself right now. What about that for a New Year's resolution? Stop hating myself. I'm not sure I'll keep up to that.
Lately I just feel I disappoint everyone, including myself.

I feel so tired.
I can't sleep.
It just hurts. And even that is stopping. I'm going numb.

I guess I'm just fulfilling my own prophecy. I'm the one who said I'd end bitter and alone. I'm certainly working for that.
Now, not only I believe that I won't find someone who'll love me, I'll manage, somehow, to push away everyone that cares. I already doing it.
Most strange people leave me uncomfortable or I leave them uncomfortable, so I can't even make new good friends that can help me get through this.

And that's is why I hate myself. Because I suck at getting along, at keeping things light, at doing things right. That's where I fail, with people. And you can't live without them, 'cause no man is an island, right?