Friendship Last Forever!

Por vezes penso em amigos perdidos. Sinto-os como espinhos que se me atravessam na garganta, como lágrimas que gelaram antes de escorrer.
E então lembro-me do que um amigo é e do que não é um amigo. Um amigo é amigo sempre, não é só quando precisa de nós ou quando nós precisamos dele. É aquela pessoa a quem se liga só para dizer olá, só para lhe ouvir a voz; com quem se vai almoçar para por a conversa em dia, para aproveitar a companhia; é aquele que te compreende com um só olhar, que lê nas entrelinhas de um sorriso triste, que ouve entre os soluços o silêncio que nos vai na alma.
E aí relembro que não vale a pena sofrer, porque não existe tal coisa como amigos perdidos. Amigo que é amigo não se perde, nunca, nem se esquece.
Então, os espinhos como que desaparecem, sem deixar rasto, e o gelo estilhaça sem deixar qualquer marca.

Para mim, um amigo é aquele que te compreende com um olhar, que te anima sem palavras e que, com um simples gesto, faz tudo valer a pena.

Into Fiction

I do complain often how I emerge myself in books and series and animes. And people do call my attention to that.
I do distract myself a lot, my thoughts wandering into remembrances of movies I watched and books I read; I do spend most of my day daydreaming; I do have lots of fantasies living in my head.

And I know why. I know I do not have a dysfunctional family, there are worst. But I did have a fatherless childhood. I hardly remember any moment with my dad before the divorce. After all, I was only 4 then. My sister, though, she was already 9 and she felt it much harder. I can understand that. What I can't understand is how 15 damn years later she's still an unbearable pain in the ass, and getting worst. The tension in my house between her and my mom is tangible, you can almost split it with a knife. Dinners are either silent or end in a fight. I'm often edgy at home, and my mom even worst. And no matter how much it hurts me, I am aware that the one this is more painful to is my mom and she's been through so much, she doesn't deserve a daughter like my sister. So I try to compensate for her (and I fail so many times!) and I try to support her and to be as good a daughter I can be. But I get tired too and moody. Sometimes I snap too. Even still, when I do have a great day or even a not-so-bad day, I try to spread and share that happiness. And again I fail, mostly because my sister is completely immune to other people's feelings. I am, in the end, the joy of the household. Or I try to be, at least for my mother, because she deserves it more that anyone.

And that is why I bury myself in fiction. I have to get out, to blow off steam, to hang on to something and since a very young age, books and tv series have been my escape. From the Disney comic books to the Sandman Library, from Tom & Jerry to CSI, from Harry Potter to Neil Gaiman, the purpose is the same. To escape to somewhere else.
And now I need it more than ever. College is hard and not everything goes as easy as Genetics; I'm having a best friend crisis; my father's farther than ever; and home feels less like it everyday. (Not everything's wrong, though, I still have very good friends who really are there for me and that can be reasonable when I can't and I'm really making new friends at school and feeling really motivated =) )

But I'm used not to have someone by me. I'm used to face things alone or to escape to fiction. And it works. And I'm not complaining anymore about it, because there are times that not even your friends can help you with the twists and turns of life. (wow! great finishing sentence,huh? XD) And I'm not saying that fiction can, but it turns it bearable.


ps: I openned my heart and soul here, I rarely talk about this stuff so if you're just going to flame or blame me for this (yes, this time I might just be talking to you) just don't. I won't publish anyway. Thank you.

These Days

There are days that can be cloudy, rainy and stormy; days when a freaking blizzard could fall and I'd still feel warm and fuzzy inside. Days when I'm so blissful and energetic, I feel so witty and smart and confident; when I am really aware of how strong and lucky I am.
And there are those days when not even the clear blue sky, the golden bright sun and the warm colours of the fall can take the cold away from my heart; when no matter how many layers of clothing I'm wearing I still feel the chills and shivers at the end of my spine. Days when I feel so worthless and purposeless, when I feel like a misfit that can't really find a place to belong.

There are days when the simple thought of my friends and family makes me smile; it reminds me of how blessed I am they came into my life, how I could never have chosen better.
Then there are those days when it seems that no one really understands how I feel; when they seem so swamped in they're own problems that don't care about mine (and vice versa); days when no one really says what I need to hear. It's when I miss the most those that, somehow, I ended up leaving behind.

There are days when I see the world through the eyes of a happy child, so colourful and alive, huge and unexplored.
Yet, there are those days when I'm chocked by the indifference that surrounds me; when the world seems so small, not in size, but in heart.

There are days when I feel so gifted and capable of such amazing things. When I'm awed by my own ability to express myself with drawings, beside words. When how much I improved in the last years makes me proud.
Still, there are those days when my hands are so shaky I can't draw the angst or the anger I feel. Days when the words just won't come out.

Those days when the weight of all my past "traumas" and issues, of all my kinks and quirks fall on my shoulders. Days when all ancient wounds open and bleed; when all my fears come to haunt me at night. Days when everything seems to fall apart and crumble, when I can't find my strength or something to hold on to.

numb

I don't know what happened.
I don't know what triggered it.
I don't know why I feel so angry, so desperate.
I don't know why I can't fight it.

All I know is I seem to alienate every person in the world who cares. And I can't even stop myself from doing it.
I don't think I ever hated myself as much as I hate myself right now. What about that for a New Year's resolution? Stop hating myself. I'm not sure I'll keep up to that.
Lately I just feel I disappoint everyone, including myself.

I feel so tired.
I can't sleep.
It just hurts. And even that is stopping. I'm going numb.

I guess I'm just fulfilling my own prophecy. I'm the one who said I'd end bitter and alone. I'm certainly working for that.
Now, not only I believe that I won't find someone who'll love me, I'll manage, somehow, to push away everyone that cares. I already doing it.
Most strange people leave me uncomfortable or I leave them uncomfortable, so I can't even make new good friends that can help me get through this.

And that's is why I hate myself. Because I suck at getting along, at keeping things light, at doing things right. That's where I fail, with people. And you can't live without them, 'cause no man is an island, right?

Are Marriage Records Useful?

Marriage record is the legal document that is proof of marriage between couples. Marriage records are public records that can be accessed by anyone wishing to do so. Your personal proof of marriage record is the marriage license that you will receive through the church or from the registry for marriages.

Why is Marriage Record essential?

As you know, a marriage record is proof of marriage and is a useful document in dealing any legality concerning the marriage. Since these records are public, it helps you beginning much before your wedding. You can ascertain information through a marriage record search to know whether your partner has been previously married, divorced, etc.

Once you are married, obtaining a marriage license helps you in many ways. The marriage license is a part of a marriage record and can be accessed by any person who is perusing the records.

These records help you in getting a document that confirms that you are married to your spouse. If you are a woman and wants to change your name after marriage, it acts as a proof for your change of name. It also acts as a proof of parenthood of a child if you have one from a previous marriage.

These records also help you in conducting genealogy searches if you are trying to establish your family tree. It helps in knowing who some relative of yours was married to and may even be helpful in approaching the particular person if your relative is deceased and no more.

In special circumstances having a marriage record helps in safeguarding the marriage. If one of the couple is cheating on the spouse by having an affair and wanting to get remarried without the spouse and the person whom they are having the affair knowing, conducting a search of marriage records will ascertain that the person is already married. This will help in avoiding unpleasant circumstances at a later date.

If you are thinking that by obtaining a marriage license and by making your information public through marriage records it may fall into the hands of unscrupulous people, you need not be worried as the information that is available to the public does not reveal all your details and will only provide some information about you.

Therefore, having a marriage on record is always essential. If you have not got your marriage license and have your marriage on record, do it today. Who knows how it will help you in the long run.

Brian W. is a self-proclaimed expert in the court system and specializes in providing free information regarding public court records. For FREE ACCESS to his articles, just visit http://www.recordssitereviews.com/

Tips For Savings On Car Loans

Obtaining car loans may sound like an easy process, but by following some basic rules, you can be sure of a good deal.

Car loans come right after you have agreed on the car price. Selecting the right car loan can be a very cumbersome process, especially if you are unaware of the loan application and approval procedures. Lack of knowledge about car loans and improper planning can cost you a lot of money in the car buying process.

Below Are Four Tips To Help You Get The Right Car Loan.

Research Before You Buy

Do a thorough research on the cars, which can fit your budget and requirements. A good research will enable you to make a better financial decision.Saving on car loans is much easier if you have a set budget for the car. You can always get on to the internet and compare rates and schemes of different car dealers.

Refer To Your Credit Record

Many people generally go for new car loans referring to finance magazines or news. These references will do no good if they do not stress on the importance of knowledge of your own credit record. You can get a copy of your record by contacting your credit bureau. You must not apply for car title loans if you are not aware of your credit record. Remember that any issue in your credit record is directly proportional to the interest rate of your car loan. Credit record is a document that has the basic information about an individual like name, security number, residence address, payment history and debts etc. potential employers or lenders.

Talk Like A Car Junkie

Sales representatives can go a little over the top if you are not able to understand the industry basics. However, if you know what your dealer is talking about, then the decision making will be far more accurate and thus, will enable you avail the right car loan.

Negotiate With The Dealer

Once you have followed all the above tips, you are prepared to negotiate the best interest rate on car loans available in the market. But before you finalize your loan, it is better to compare car loans provided by other lending institutions. A good market study will give you a good deal.

So before you actually decide to get one of these car loans for yourself, do your groundwork carefully to get the best deal on new car loans.

You had better have thorough knowledge of car loans before going for one for yourself. Do a thorough research refer to your credit record to get the best deal for new car loans and car title loans. For more information visit http://www.lowinterestcarloan.info.

Hunger and Cravings

For 6 months, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to what I eat. I’ve also been working my body, sometimes much, much harder than I have in the past. Sometimes, watching what I eat is really hard. Sometimes, I completely lose it. Today was a perfect example of this.

I started the day all right. For breakfast, I had 16oz whole milk, 3oz fat free turkey breast, a slice of whole grain bread and just a little mayo. Added up, this was a 5 block meal on the zone diet. I ate at about 5:00 AM. At 9:00 AM, I had 3 oz turkey, 1/2 an avocado and 2 small granny smith apples. At 11:45 AM, I had 4-5 oz turkey, the other half of the avocado, several walnut halves and another 2 apples. I got home at about 2:30 PM.

When I got home, I was ravenous. I felt like I hadn’t eaten for days. Suddenly, I cracked and started devouring everything. 2 slices toast with copious butter and jelly. 4 oz turkey. 7-8 chocolate covered, peanut butter filled pretzel bites. 20 minutes later, I was still starving. I ate 7-8 peanut butter pretzel sandwiches and drank another 16 oz whole milk. Finally, 20 minutes later, I wasn’t hungry.

Now, it is 6:00 PM and I have a craving for food. This is different than when I got home though. This is a mental desire to be eating and has nothing to do with the stomach churning hole than demanded to be filled. I don’t understand either urge but I would call the earlier one hunger and this one a craving. I seem to be mostly successful fighting cravings but I collapse against hunger. For example, while I eat everything that was handy earlier, I’m not eating anything now.

I don’t understand how to fight hunger or even if I should. Should I refrain from eating and only eat to my specified schedule, no matter how hungry I feel? Is ravenous hunger an indication that I’m not giving myself enough fuel to support the muscle building that is happening. (This is possible as I’ve just finished 4 days of incredibly tough workouts.) Is there something I can eat to fill the void without destroying what I’m working so hard to achieve? What do you do when you are fighting hunger or cravings?